Category Archives: real life

well damn, i’m frustrated

So it’s been a while! Two months of ‘while’. Here’s what’s happened in between:

– I did, in fact, complete the week of Paleo breakfasts challenge. Hooray!
– I even sustained it for I think another week after that. Hooray!
– Then life got tough/the holidays rolled around/life, oh wow, LIFE and I stopped the challenge and stopped monitoring my calories and basically just let myself go for a while. Booooo.
– I asked for (and received) a FitBit Flex for Christmas. Yay!
– I got back on the weight loss wagon, started tracking again
– I started eating my lunch at my desk and walking 3+ miles each day during my lunch, plus miles on the weekend with R

Here’s where I got serious. As of the 1st of the year, I decided to give melatonin another shot. And this time, I found the right dose – 2 mg a night (in 1 mg pills) taken an hour before bed has me totally ready to sleep by the time I should be. I was still getting anxiety about sleeping each night, so to address that, I’ve been measuring out 2 glasses of wine each night and accounting for them in my calories.

Well, I’ve been tracking for almost three weeks with this technique. Here’s the problem.


First of all, obviously weighing almost every day means that I’ll see the day to day fluxuations. But for the life of me, I can’t remember whether the 150 at the first day was something I was guessing before I set up my scale, or if I actually stepped on the scale for the first time and weighed 150. I’m leaning towards that being the case (which means then i’ve lost 4.4 pounds in 3 weeks – whoo!) but maybe I’m deluding myself to make myself feel better about eating less, drinking less, moving more, and losing literally no weight.

For me, who is finally giving this a solid shot including establishing an entirely new bedtime routine for myself to meet my goals and manage my stress levels, the chance that I’ve made no progress is very discouraging.

That being said, the only way to find out if it’s working is to keep doing it and see what happens. 4.4 pounds in 3 weeks would be super great if it were true, so I guess I will continue trucking on despite my frustration.

I’m also thinking about bringing back the daily eats – another goal of mine is to manage our food budget more wisely, so I’m planning on a lot more home-made food making its way to work. Later all!


let’s talk about balance

Interesting day today, mealwise. I started off light with a “breakfast taco” – corn tortilla, Daiya melted on it, then a “fried” (nonstick spray) egg on top with some habanero hot sauce. It was delicious! And it tends to keep me full for several hours, which works really well on the weekends when I eat it at 9 or 10 a.m. and have lunch around 1. What doesn’t work is when I have it at 7 in the morning, and my lunch isn’t until later in the day. 😦 I ended up devouring a whole lengua burrito (no beans) and I’m really paying for it now. I feel disgusting! Lesson learned – maybe tomorrow I’ll shoot for two of the tacos instead of one and see how that treats me throughout the day. Or bring one to work to eat midway through the morning …

I am, however, 100% successful in sticking to my 9 cups of water a day challenge. I haven’t noticed any overt benefits or improvements, but it certainly isn’t hurting me any so I’m sure I can keep it going long-term.

baby steps

As predicted, I fell off the wagon with starting my new job. Like hard. I haven’t been monitoring what I eat… basically at all. So to work myself back up to giving a crap about what I eat and making sustainable long-term changes, my challenge to myself for this week is to drink 9 cups of water a day, minimum.

I have a 3 cup water bottle here at work and unlimited access to water, so this should be something I can easily achieve. I’ll have to think on what next week’s challenge will be – any suggestions?

i jinxed myself! (in a good way)

Remember just, what, two posts ago, when I explained that my main “jump start” to starting this back up again was the fact that I was unemployed? Well, yesterday I got a call that I got a job I applied for way back in July – I’ve interviewed since then, but it was such a slow process that I’ve literally been walking into the (series of several) interviews and thinking of them as practice for when I’m actually interviewing for a job I might actually get. So this is exciting!

But, historically, when I start up a job, I stop updating here. Part of that is a desire to make sure I do everything right in the new job (hence, no updating at work), part of that is a time management strategy, and part of that is absolute laziness. But I’ll do my best! Who knows – maybe I’ll use the extra income to join a gym. 😉

In any case, yesterday I want to use some of this Napa cabbage I bought and haven’t used much of. I got the brilliant idea to mix it with my omelette base … which, I think, could have been done differently. It wasn’t bad though. I also cooked a piece of bacon and crumbled that in as the egg set, and sprinkled Daiya cheddar on the inside.

I ended up running super late throughout the day, due to all the commotion from the call about the job, and it was almost 2 o’clock by the time I got myself a taco (figuring i would fill up on dinner later).

And one ounce of chips (weighed on my food scale).

For dinner, we went out to Panda Express. I’m always super tempted by so many of their breaded products, and compromise with myself by getting their lowest calorie item (beef and broccoli) and one breaded item with a reasonable amount of calories. And man, I REALLY wanted to do half vegetables and half rice, but restrained myself with the promise of the honey walnut shrimp.

(seen here after i’d done my best to fill up on the vegetables first – i ended up giving half of the broccoli beef to my daughter once i’d absolutely demolished the honey walnut shrimp)

Still no exercise. I also didn’t do my math homework so some major goals of the day weren’t met. And I still didn’t drink enough water. Always a work in progress!

just checking in

I’m still here (how many times have i begun a post with that?!) and trucking along. I’ve been really enjoying paleo – I’m not 100% on it, but I’ve been using it as a guideline when making dietary choices and I feel pretty damn good. Fresh, energetic, and lots more veggies in me! I find that I have pretty significant blood sugar spikes (and subsequent crashes) when I fudge on the diet and have bread products during the day, so it’s a pretty good incentive to not throw some extra wheat products in there.

A NSV I decided to share – I have to dress up for work this week, and only had the pants I wore at my last job. They are literally falling off of me! I spent yesterday walking around, holding them up with one hand, and today on my lunch went and bought a new pair of pants. The old pants were 12s; the new ones are 10s. 🙂

Until next time!

step one is complete!

The last couple of nights, I’ve been alcohol-free! It’s something that I’ve known I can do, but have been hindered by my anxiety about getting enough sleep each night. The real impetus to go ahead and do it was a week of really terrible sleep with the alcohol – if I can’t sleep on it, I might as well try sleeping without it. So far, so good!

I do need to cut out the night time snacking, however. That’s my next step, something to build upon my success. It’s not that I’m starving or particularly hungry, I just feel like I need to be snacking to keep myself occupied as I wind down for the night. R has suggested buying peanut butter and celery. This is a great idea because I hate peanut butter. 😦 Leaving me just the celery is absolutely fine and a caloric “hit” I’m willing to take.

Today was honestly a wash even without drinking – I had my usual breakfast sandwich, then someone brought donuts and I failed to have any willpower (i also ate fruit, but obviously those don’t cancel each other out!), then I had some jalapeno cheddar corn bread with some chili for lunch, then a chicken fajita pita from Jack in the Box just now … it’s a rough day. Not a horrible day, but even if I get to do some in-home exercise, it’s going to be to break even, not to cut into my daily total. 😦

Tomorrow is a new day, however, and every small step I take (no hard alcohol, then no alcohol at all, then no snacking) will get me closer and closer and put me into a position to really leap toward my goals in a way I haven’t been able to thus far.

is this thing on?

Looks like my last post was the ill-fated 30 days of food, wherein I was unfortunately forced to conclude that as soon as I am at work, my best plans to take pictures of everything I eat get foiled. I’ve been tempted, lately, to ease back into a dinner-only shot, as I’ve been bringing Lean Pockets and soup for meals at work (and god knows that would make for a boring parade of pictures!) … it’s something I’m toying with. I need some accountability though as tightening up some areas of my diet (actual food caloric intake) has been fine while other, more crucial areas (alcohol, late night snacking) have continued unchecked.

Some positive steps I have taken:

– Stopped drinking hard alcohol completely. Instead of actual shots, I take “shots” of wine which equal out to about a cup and a half over the course of the night
– Learned to drink black coffee. Artificial sweeteners concern me, particularly when considering how many diet drinks I was drinking for caffeine throughout the day, but every time I tried to switch to coffee, I found myself wasting calories on creamer and sugar. I’m finally able to drink it black and save myself sweeteners and calories in the process.

And not a step I have “taken” but I’ve found myself much more tolerant to cheese, which allows for things like “eating Lean Pockets for breakfast.”

It’s been a rough couple of months though, emotionally, and I’ve been teetering around 147 despite my (admittedly half-assed) efforts. I’m pondering a membership at the community center, which has an excellent gym, but in the mean time I have some goals I’d like to work on for myself. These include:

– Switching to NA beer. I don’t actually get drunk anymore, off of two beers and some shots of wine per night, but wasting 200 calories on a high percentage beer is ridiculous when I’m trying to lose weight. I think starting with NA and keeping the wine in is a good first step to tapering off completely.
– DOING TURBO JAM. After a month of moving and not exercising, I got on our elliptical and it immediately broke. I’m going to try to fix it myself, but barring that, I need to get moving again and Turbo Jam is the quickest and easiest way to do that. I haven’t ventured into some of the 40 minute exercises and I really should. Finding some other programs to alternate with would probably be a good idea.
– Continuing to bring low calorie meals to work. That’s simple enough!

I’ll check in tomorrow with a weigh-in and we’ll go from there …

10 pounds by Christmas

I’ve been on and off the wagon lately … I find myself taking pictures of my food, then running out of time to even upload them, much less organize them into a blog post. On the positive side, much of why I run out of time each evening is the fact that I’ve been trying to get in daily exercise. (we won’t talk about the much-needed cleaning that also takes up a bulk of my evenings)

I do find that I make better choices and have better results when I’m taking pictures and writing blog posts – so I will try to find a balance in my life that allows for it!

That being said, I was disappointed when I didn’t meet my goal of losing 5 pounds in the months of September and October. I need to have a sitdown with myself and rethink the use of, “Today is a new day,” to motivate myself to keep going – having that “reset” each day isn’t doing a lot for me, and although it may not have been mentally healthier to beat myself up over having a bad day, I’m starting to think that it might be more effective to hold myself more accountable and less “it’s okay to make mistakes.”

So my new goal is to lose 10 pounds by Christmas. I reset my goals in MFP to losing 1 pound a week, and was allotted 1270 calories per day because of that. Obviously, Christmas is a little less than 10 weeks away, but I feel like really pushing myself to get in exercise while eating more wholesomely and healthier can get me to 10 pounds in slightly fewer weeks than that.

One thing I’ve also been struggling with has been the type of exercise I do. I feel great when I do Turbo Jam (fat blaster and the 3T exercises make a great pair) but when I do elliptical, I get to watch Supernatural! It’s a hard choice – choosing the exercise that objectively feels like I’ve worked myself out harder, or staying on the elliptical for 80 minutes while I watch a couple of episodes. I’ve been leaning towards to elliptical as I work my way through season 3 of Supernatural on Netflix, but I am going to make more of an effort to get in Turbo Jam on the days when R doesn’t want to watch Supernatural with me. 😉

For the record, I weighed in at 148.6 this morning …. getting down to 138.6 would be amazing.

So that’s that!

venturing back in

I’m about to change jobs, a lot closer to where I live, and as such have decided to use my new-found free time to really buckle down and focus on my weight. I got as low as 147 pounds in the last month, but gained weight back up to 152 via a couple weeks of absolutely no dieting and probably some overconsumption. Actually, no “probably” about it – the weight gain is pretty clear indicating that there was overconsumption.

I’m back on MyFitnessPal and will be sticking with it over CalorieCount for the time being. The best news is that I poured the booze in the house down the sink two days ago, and R is on board with this – we’re both ready to go back to the lifestyle we had a couple years ago, with healthier choices both in the short-term and the long-term.

And onto yesterday’s eats …

Breakfast was a Trader Joe’s fat free english muffin (as a side note, they’re the only brand i’ve been able to find in my area that has neither soy nor milk products in it), an egg, and a pork sausage patty.


My food scale came in handy when I weighed everything to ensure portion accuracy. Lunch was a turkey and Daiya jalapeno havarti sandwich on cracked wheat pan-grilled with a tablespoon of Smart Balance Light on the outside of the bread. It tasted like sin but came out to less than 500 calories.


For dinner, I made a pasta bake – shells, Prego Italian sausage and garlic pasta sauce, half a bag of Daiya mozzarella, and finely chopped chicken breast, onion, and zucchini. Everything was cooked and then it was thrown in the oven to crunch up some of the pasta and to melt the Daiya. I had two serving.


Not pictured (well, i took pictures, but have a new phone and am wrestling with instant upload): 1 oz of Lays Salt and Vinegar potato chips, 1/4 of a can of Shasta soda, 9 Hint of Salt Triscuits, 9 pickled jalapenos, and another serving of jalapeno havarti Daiya. I did 42 minutes of elliptical and walked around up hills for an hour, so I about broke even for my net 1200 calories.

finding a balance

Ah, yesterday. Not the greatest day, eats-wise. I started off strong with an egg white wheat sourdough sandwich:

I was in the midst of month-end craziness at 11:30 and wanted food but didn’t have time to take lunch yet, so I had less than 8 ounces of the pumpkin jalapeno soup.

It was all downhill from there. I had my usual tub of fruit with lunch, but I ordered a sandwich I hadn’t had before from Whole Foods. It was supposed to come with sundried tomato aioli, but instead it was actually dripping with sundried tomato aioli. Since it cost me $7.99, I ate the whole thing, which was a stupid choice, in retrospect. I didn’t get pictures, but I’m clocking it in at 15 points because I’m not about to kid myself and act like it wouldn’t have earned itself some serious points with all that aioli.

Of course, I was stuffed (and parched!) for the rest of the evening. R wanted to go out to dinner, so we went to Sushi Land. I figured it would be a good choice because I could spend a couple bucks and get a controlled amount of food, and that’s how it worked out – I ate two pieces of sashimi (off of nigiri, but j ate the rice) for 1 point, three pieces of salmon skin roll for 3 points, and three pieces of shrimp tempura roll for 5 points. I could eat salmon skin rolls for days, so it’s nice to know that they’re relatively lower points!

Then … evening. R had picked out several beers, and I found myself wavering. Not because I doubted I could sleep – I was exhausted – but inevitably I forget about all the … not tics, I know that’s not the right term … the stress-induced behaviours that start popping up when I don’t get a chance to relax and shut down my anxiety for a bit. I talked it out with R, who suggested that I go about drinking a different way – instead of drinking nightly to sleep, drink occasionally for stress-relief. I had two shots over two hours, and about 8 ounces of beer, and was just fine. I’ll be counting those points, of course, and will be back to my tea-and-heater routine tonight, but I’ll admit that I’m trying to find a healthy balance between “drinking every night” and “teetotaller.” I’ve spent my whole life living out behavioural extremes and it might be time to prove to myself that I can be moderate at something.

In any case, off to work, and planning for some better choices today!